Work Work Work!

It's Friday and my husband is working from home.

He decided to work outside since the weather is so nice,

except he had to go to the restroom.

Dad: (running) I have to go, I hope she doesn't grab anything. (Duh...)

Mom: goes outside to check just in time to see Isabella swinging her legs

and messing with? Yup... his computer!

Mom: Isabella! What are you doing?

Isabella: 'nut 'ting (nothing, big grin on her face)

Mom: Isabella? What ARE you doing?

(looking at her as sternly as possible without cracking up)

Isabella: uuummmm, working?

Mom: (Sorry I cracked up!)

Silly Dad...Sports Are For Kids!

Let's see, do I have everything?

Chair - check

blanket,sweatshirt, check, check

camera, camera battery, video camera, snacks, sports equipments.

Yup Looks like I have everything.

Oh wait...Brandon get in the car!

What is it that drives parents to be so competitive when it comes to thier kids sports?

Is it pride? Honor? Fun of the sport? Hell no..we just want to win!

Sports Dads: Have you ever...

...been tortured?

(of course you have, standing for 2 hours watching a game when you know very well there's a freezing cold bleacher with your name on it behind you)

...eaten snacks just because there's nothing better to do?

(Of course you have, sunflowers/peanuts...wierd especially since you never eat those)

...coached your kid from the sidelines? of course not...it's called "Encouragment!" ;-)

...told your kids "That's ok you'll get it next time!" when your secretly thinking %$#@!

Let's face it Dad...sports are for kids!

Congratulations Mark Jr!

He won both his races in Track & Field

110 Hurdles

300 Hurdles

Those Spandex must be helping! :-)

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Ok long story short...


Found lump in neck awhile back (we all know what "Lump" means to a woman)


After many Dr. visits had lump ultrasounded-lump to large for comfort


Had FNA schedualed for lump (FNA= Fine Needle Aspiration, I think it really means Frick'in Not Alright!"


Admitted to hospital for procedure


Scared as hell...until...


1)I counted all the dots in the ceiling tile. By the way there's 480 holes.





2)Found out my sister "Rocked" a hospital gown 80's off the shoulder style once (only because the damn thing was too large and kept falling off)





3)My lil sister's stomach sounded like to old men fighting...roda roda roda


(she didn't eat this morning)





Laughter really is the best medicine! The good news? Lumps seem to be getting smaller so no need to needle it, just have to watch it for a while just to be sure.

Come on...does anyone really what one of these things coming at them?

Now if everyone keeps burping and farting in public...I should be fine!

LOL

Marshmallow & Sugar...Are You Insane?

Ah those ever so looming baskets leftover from Easter. Filled to the brim with chocolate bunnies, jellybeans, Easter eggs, pain-in-the-$%#!& grass, and yes...the infamous Marshmallow Peep!

Have you ever wondered as you follow a trail of yellow sugar "Who invented these cute monstrosities and why is it all over my house?" Well I have been schooled, just when I thought I knew it all. (You know because Mom knows everything)

Fun Fact #1 In the early 1950's, it took 27 hours to make 1 Peep, it now takes 6 minutes

Fun Fact #2 Over 70 million Peeps lined up beak to tail are needed to reach New York to LA

Fun Fact #3 Peeps Chicks and Bunnies come in 5 different colors

Fun Facts from http://www.marshmallowpeeps.com/

Glitter Text Generator

Fun Fact #1

In April 2009 it only takes 6 seconds to fall out of my kids mouth and it has taken me approximately 27 hours to clean marshmallow off of furniture

Fun Fact #2

I have over 70 million inches of sugar left on my floors from Marshmallow Peeps

Fun Fact #3

I already KNOW Peeps and Bunnies come in 5 "difficult to wash off hands" colors

Set scene after dinner:

Isabella: I want mash-mellow! Peeze!

Mark Jr: (heart in right place-brain not) hands his little sister a handful of Peeps

Isabella: (runs off giggling with glee smashing as many as she can in her mouth)

Remember I assumed her big brother sat her at the table to eat these. Not!

As I chased her down she did the inevitable... she spit them on the carpet. You know like she was a lizard being chased and she had to get rid of her tail, except it was mushy sticky marshmallow.

On the floor,

On my carpet,

oh and all around the edge of the couch because - yes I forgot. I chased her!

So I say to the Marshmallow Peep-ole....

Marshmallows & Sugar...Are you insane?

Bunnies and Swiffers

No one ever tells you when you have wood floors installed that dust bunnies move in. The first week we had Pergo floors it was all "How beautiful, the floors look great!" Now it's the subtle head turn downward when a dust bunny rolls by thier feet. The solution? Swiffer to the rescue! No no no...not that overpriced mop and spraybottle junk.

Take Brandon (age 7) 1 pair of socks add a running start and ... voilà! Instant swiffer sweepers :-)

Just When You Thought You've Heard It All

Just when you thought you've heard it all. My son is in track and field. We're new to these sports. Always learning new things, like what spikes are and 4x4's and sack tapping. Yup you heard right, I said sack tapping. In my infinite ignorance I asked my son...

"What is sack tapping?"

Did I stop to think before I asked? Nope...I'm not that quick!

Jr simply said "Mom? Think about it...I run and jump over hurdles...I need spandex under my shorts...."

Mom: huh?

Jr: (A Look of duhh mom came over him) If I don't make it over the hurdle or I'm low...

Mom: ohhhh!

I bought him his spandex today

Terrible Two's

"Time To Go"

By Stacy Christian

Terrible two's are totally tough,

They won't get dressed so they run in the buff.

She kicks so hard your black & blue,

But don't worry, she's only two.

She'll say No,

You'll say Yes,

Still in the buff and still no dress.

One shoe off...one shoe on...

a cute little smile - that's the con.

More screaming

More shouting

More "No mama Nooo!

Then in the blink of an eye,

for no reason why...

"No mama Nooo" turns to "Mama let's go!"

The Power of A Slurpee

When was the last time you found yourself bargining with your children? Yesterday, today, 10 minutes ago? I used to be one of those mom's who would question other mom's who would load up thier kids with a Slurpee in the middle of a store. Making all sorts of excuses as why my kids didn't get one, too much sugar, not good for your teeth, and the list goes on and on.

Ok so I got lucky - 3 out of 4 kids never really needed to be silenced with the almighty Slurpee.

Number 5..not so lucky. It's amazing how quickly I give in to the fussing in the middle of a store. How such a simple cup of frozen sugar and Co2 can silence even the loudest of kids. Yes...I admit it. I have joined the Slurpee club, and the Target popcorn club and any other club that will get me through the store without embarassing time-outs or the ever so calulated "side-swiping' of things off the nearest shelf within her reach. You know, the immediate response to the word "No." I find my self saying "Isabella no swiping, Isabella noooo swiping!" ("Dora The Explorer" reference)

The pros:
#1 kid is quiet
#2 chance to escape store without paying for broken items after tantrum
#3 Hey..the kid is quiet

The cons:
#1 kid is quietly prying lid off and dumping it on herself
#2 kid is now screaming because she dumped all her Slurpee out
#3 you breakdown and buy her another Slurpee because lets face it, you have to drive home now.

Props to the creator of Slurpee! Now if I can only drive by a Seven-11 without her noticing it...

Is she serious? Or is she Cybil?

Is it just me or does anyone have one of these? Your precious little one, cute as a button ever so generous with the hugs and kisses...and then she turns on you.

All she asked was for me to help her with her shoes. Simple? You would think. Everything was fine until I told her it was on the wrong foot. Then the fury was released from hurricane Isabella.

Note to self, duck next time she chucks a shoe at my head.
Am I wrong to want to keep her from tripping over her misplaced shoes? Doesn't she see the point? Nope she's 2.

Damn..I forgot to duck (Ow!)

What happened to my darling 2yr old? Where were the puppy dog eyes and the "I 'yove you mama's?"

Shoes flying past my head, not exactly sure where the other 4 pairs came from, all the while she's screaming because yes dare I say it? I plopped her butt down for a "Time Out"

I find myself asking...
Is she serious? or Is she Cybil?

By the way she declaired "I'm over now..." (biggest grin on her face you ever saw)

To Dress or Not to Dress?

Don't you just hate it when the alarm goes off? That's ok, that's what the snooze bar is for. Except today is Tuesday, and there are 4 kids in the kitchen fighting over who gets the last of the cereal. Usually one would think of getting up, quick trip to the bathroom and off we go to school! Not! I have only one question that needs answering...to dress or not to dress? That is my question. As I sit up in bed (cereal fight still ongoing) I debate "Should I wear my pj's and are they school acceptable?" Can you imagine if I had to go to work? Yikes!

2 minutes later the pitterpat of tiny feet are heard down my hallway. It's my 2yr old.

Debate over - pj's win!

Let's hear it for PJ's!

One for the money, two for the show....
Leave the PJ's on and let's go go go!

When is a tantrum, just a tantrum?

Do we ever really just think for a second, "When is a tantrum just a tantrum?" When was the last time you had a full blown tantrum? I know exactly when I last had one, so do my kids. I'm not sure who started it first, Isabella is 2, ok 2yrs and 3 months old and has definatly hit the "Terrible Two's". Who ever said they were terrible lied, thier out right nerve wracking! I found myself arguing with a 2yr old over breakfast. Kind of went like this...

Mom: Isabella, eat your breakfast

Isabella: no mama, I done! (Throwing food to the ever so eager dog)

Mom: You need to eat sweetie (Picking up what food I could rangle from the dog, 5 second rule applies)

Isabella: Nooooo! (Throwing cup)

Mom: Yes! (picking up cup)

Isabella: ahhh ahhha hhh! (more kicking and hitting)

Mom: ok ok fine! (taking her down from the table) There! go play! (frantically trying to compose myself)

Isabella: (in the sweetest voice imaginable, and cutest expression) 'tank you mamam
(as she skips out of the kitchen as if nothing had happened

Mom: (Thinking to myself...hello cybil!)

Next kid tries to get away without eating.

Brandon: Mom...I'm done (food not even touched)

Mom: You need to eat too! (already frustrated from dodging Isabella's kicking and screaming)

Brandon: I did...(tone is snotty as hell, BTW he's 7)

Mom:No...you didn't

Brandon: YES!! I DID!..(yelling at me and flailing his arms)

This triggered my flailing arms, only I had a new mop in my hands. Lets just say...

Tantrum had...and the mop lost! :-)

PS had to buy a new mop!