As parents it's natural to worry about our kids, but when is it too much? Think back when you were little. Didn't your dad teach you to ride a two-wheeler? The promises of "I got you, I won't let go" could be heard all the way down the street. That is until you realized he's lied and you were on your own. Only then did we crash and burn and most have a scar to prove it. After tears and drops of blood did we not realize in our parents "little lie" that is was then we discovered we could ride a bike?
Todays standards are a bit different. "Helicopter-parenting" is the normal. Or is it?
Kids go through phases, we all know that. One day your on top of the world. Good at sports, you have hobbies and great grades in school and awesome friends. Next thing you know they're moody, disinterested in everything and grades slip and those BFF's stab you in the back to be popular. But I ask you - if this isn't the time to be a "Helicopter-parent" when is it?
I have 5 wonderful children - who I know are not perfect. Believe me...been there done that. And yes..I am guilty of "Helicopter-parenting." But that's the problem....I forgot. It's ok for them to not be perfect, they're kids.
Watching your child fail makes you feel helpless, angry and sad. You worry about everything from your child’s self-esteem and social development to their future success.
That's why we're the parents. We're supposed to teach them to be able to recover from those obstacles that they will come across over and over as each phase of their lives come and go.
I used to have a huge problem with my youngest son. No motivation to do anything but play video games. Solution...limit video games right? Nope back fired on me. He started hating me because I'm no fun, blah blah. Get the picture. So what am I to do?
We forced him to do sport. This was good right? He's outside, exercising, making friends. No he's a good kid and was just doing it because he knew it would make mom happy. He did the same thing with drum lessons. Tried it, didn't like it, quit.
Disappointing...but for whom? Why am I disappointed? He's the one bright enough to know what he likes and doesn't like. I have to give him credit for at least trying, but I also have to acknowledge him for knowing when sometimes "things" just aren't for him. So what do we do?
Keep trying. Let him try. Even let him fail.
Teach them there's natural consequences for the decisions they do make and stick to it. That it's OK to be a kid and just sometimes do "Nothing." This is how they find out who they are and how to express it without the fear of disappointing you. Because lets face it, kids will do almost anything to please a parent...even if they scream and kick the whole way and act like they don't care.
Be supportive in their decisions, if it's sports, hobbies or school. Even if it's not "What you want" for them.
When their BBF turn on them, and they will. Be there.
When they fail a test... Be there.
You don't have to cut the proverbial "cord" just yet..just prepare them for when it starts to unravel.
Ask yourself....
If my child has too much homework am I going to do it for them?
If my child doesn't like playing sports anymore do I let them find a new interest or do I make them do it and they resent it?
Do I let my child be friends with someone I know isn't a good friend or do I teach my child what it means to be a good friend and let them decide?
As people how do we learn? Most of the time we fail.
It's like being a baby.
It's what we're told and shown afterwards that make the difference on wither we learned from it or not.
Just be there to bandage them up if they need it. How will you know if they need you? You'll know - your Mom & Dad.
Let them be the moody, pre-teens, adolescents, young adults. It's all a phase. We turned out ok didn't we? Maybe a little better than our parents thought, even through all the grief I'm sure we put them all through.
So I ask you again.
If your child trips....don't you want them to learn to catch themselves?
